Maybe just fight back??
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12
Lately, I’ve been catching myself talking out loud a lot.
I keep telling myself that I’m not crazy. But over these past days, it has gotten even worse. And I try my best to hold my breath when I'm with people, especially in public, because strangers are not so kind to eccentric behaviours.
But with a future family as loving as mine, how long can I stay hidden?
I often imagine my unborn daughter picking up my phone one day, and filming a video saying “My mummy talks to herself and its weird”, with her cute voice.
And before I tell you what these solitary speeches are about, I’m afraid I must ask, “Is this a safe space?” Because its high time I told this secret.
I think when God made me, He made two worlds; the one I live in and the one that lives in me. You think earth is beautiful? Wait till I bring you in.
From the bright green grass, soft as silk beneath my feet, to the one strand river that flows northward like a silver ribbon. The flower beds bloom in ecstatic abundance, as though painted by the graceful hand of master artist.
Above me, the sun beams from a tender blue sky bowl, so tender the outside world starts to feel like a mental asylum.
Once in my life, I even earned an introvert badge. But to me that meant “peace”, because I knew no dirty feet would get in.
So, imagine my surprise when I woke one morning to a plant I'd never seen before. It's crooked stalk covered in thorns, pulsing with a pride that screamed it had just won a battle.
It didn't even take long for that ugly plant to creep its way, by whatever strange means, into my waking world. Disguised as reckless choices and haunting missteps, with each thorn manifesting as moments I’d rather erase🤦🏽♀️.
Thankfully, at the height of this rather loud battle for territory, I stumbled on a message by Apostle Arome Osayi, that gave with an unflinching clarity, the perfect name to my psychospiritual diagnosis: Warfare Of The Mind.
It all began to make sense why I’d sometimes hear so loudly in my head “You’re so weak, you’re gonna make that mistake again”. And by whatever mind-bending sorcery, I’d actually end up making the said mistake.
I was not alone.
There were strangers in my world.
After diving into the warfare series, I finally saw it. This isn't just mental noise. IT'S WAR. And my mind is the battlefield.
Now I must fight.
For control, for peace, FOR MY FLOWERS.
The enemy??
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
—Ephesians 6:12 KJV
And by what means?
Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
—Ephesians 6:11 KJV
Okay let’s break this down.
Ephesians 6:14-18 carefully outlines every piece of the armour, and the unique purpose it serves;
Loins girt about with truth vs14
Breastplate of righteousness vs14
Shoes of Peace vs15
Shield of faith vs16
helmet of salvation vs17
sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God v17
And saves the juiciest for the last,
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints
—Ephesians 6:18 KJV
Phew…😮💨
Now that’s a lot. I’m just trying to sniff a bouquet of flowers every morning. To live a fragrance-filled life.
I’m just trying to be a girl🥀.
I guess its true what they say. Nothing is ever truly free.
Even salvation isn’t free. An innocent man paid for it with His life, so that this warrior might be born.
But here’s beauty of it all, in this battle I don’t fight for victory, I fight from victory. Because He that paid for my freedom Has already won the victory.
So you see, I’m not crazy.
I’m just a lady in battle and the two-edged sword is my weapon.
And no, I’m not perfect yet. The crazy things that happened on my 25th birthday, barely a month ago, is proof of that. Read here.
So yes, I must fight.
I must cast down imaginations and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
I must declare, “I’m not weak. I'm strengthened with might by the Holy Spirit in my inner man. So you ugly demon, In the name of Jesus, get lost”
And I must speak this out loud.
Not only to the demons, but also to my soul. Because if I loose in my soul, I’ll loose on the ground.
And I can’t afford to loose.
One day, my daughter will know this secret too.
Love,
Ahbiee💌